messy
by leradny
Summary: Something Leon thinks about a lot.


**messy**

-  
"Squall! _Squall!_"

Her big grey eyes staring, pupils shocked into pinpricks at the white light of the tunnel; this great howling wind with dark creatures after their hearts is occuring and all Squall (Leon?) is thinking about is that neat fringe of hair, swirling and blurring into the sides of her face and all messy from the wind.

The wind keeps coming faster and harder and all Squall (Leon!) thinks about is the size and square volume of Rinoa, so feathery and light she can't stand anymore. Blowing away in the wind.

And she is screaming his name.

Knight:

"Squall!"

-  
Leon opens his eyes timidly and comes across the clean white squares of ceiling, and that is all that matters now.

_Squall!_

He jerks, because he doesn't think of it as his real name now but there is still something familiar about that ghost voice. And then he remembers:

_**My**__ knight. I should be __**your**__ Sorceress. __**You're**__ the one protecting me._

_Without you, I'm not a knight._

_Well, that's an even trade! I guess._

He doesn't think it is even anymore, but Leon drags himself out of bed and gets to the bathroom, watching the bags under his eyes. Then he sighs and shifts so the pair of scissors is in his line of sight. _Boring,_ he remembers, and reaches for the scissors about to cut his hair into tiny little pieces like how it was before, when he was Squall and did this every time he need to. Neat and even and straight. And then a face comes into his memory and he drops the scissors like a great electric shock just pulsed through him.

_Rinoa._

He remembers her _name!_

So do the wide grey eyes have anything to do with how he feels about his hair?

...Leon thinks not, but he can't cut it anymore. Not just because of that face, fringed with bangs and elaborated with browns streaks--oh, no, he doesn't want to look like Rinoa to remind himself of her. He's already got the wings on his back, red and bloody. He just doesn't want to be Squall anymore. He doesn't want responsibility for what he couldn't save. No, no...

_Squall--_

_Leon!_ he thinks fiercely.

Leon can't cut his hair anymore. Not when he is like this, with hands shaking back into the darkness.

-  
Random dark-haired people freak him out, especially those with long hair.

He stops in his tracks when he sees someone who could be her older sister, but feels let down when it turns down that she isn't Rinoa; only someone older, wiser, and less cute. Her name when he asks her is Tifa, and Squall-Leon fantasizes about how Rinoa could have changed her name like he does, grown up a little more (a _lot_ more), but he looks into her eyes and decides that no, she couldn't have changed her eye color from dark grey to brownish-red, pooling into the depths of her face like a magnet pulling the streaks out of her hair.

_...That was a weird thought,_ Leon decides, and says out loud, "No, you weren't who I thought you were."

"Really? I've never seen you before in my life." And Tifa doesn't toss her head like Rinoa did once. Nor does she walk the same way--Tifa walks like a fighter, born and bred. "I'm looking for someone, too. Keep an eye out for him?"

"Who is he?" Leon asks, before remembering...

"He's blonde with spiky hair. Can't miss him. Who are you looking for?"

"Um." Tifa stops. "She looks like _you._"

"..."

"Long black hair--only with streaks in it. And she's..." Leon squints. "Maybe a _little_ shorter?" And Tifa smiles. It's a strangely maternal smile which looks _nothing_ like Rinoa.

"Don't worry, Leon--I'll be watching. For both of us."

"Goodbye... Tifa..."

-  
So there, he isn't obsessed. He is carefully scrutinizing the works of his gunblade to find out whether that last shot he missed was because of dust in his eyes _or_ because the trigger took a fraction of a second longer to pull. Whether _it_ needs oiling, or _he_ needs dorky goggles. Leon isn't obsessed. He rather wants to be like Tifa, tossing out adjectives like her name as she walks down the street. Not cute and delicate. Solid. Like a fighter.

Solid like the pendant at his chest.

_Like Griever,_ Leon recalls, and clutches at his necklace for a second before letting go of the chain. Clutches it like... like--  
_  
"Squall!"_

_"Rinoa!"_

-  
"Tifa."

"Leon. So have you found who you were looking for?"

"No. _No,_ and I've looked _everywhere_."

"She's bound to come back to you sometime. I feel it. Every person in this world who is looking for someone is bound to come across that someone sooner or later, even if they've changed clothes or cut their hair."

"..."

"Say, do you ever cut your hair?"

"...I did _once_. But I didn't like it. So I stopped."

"Tou_chy_. I cut my hair a few months ago. I hope Cloud will still recognize me."

"Cloud..."

"..."

"...Her name is Rinoa."

"Pretty name."

"Your guy is a hippie."

"Hn! If you saw him, you'd think you were brothers, Mr. Angsty Angst. Back-to-back fighting and all."

"..."

"...I should try that name out on him. Mr. Angsty Angst. Has a good ring to it."

"No, don't."

"All right, whatever you say. Leon."

"Squall."

"..."

"No, just call me Leon."

"Really! I _thought_ there was something weird about your name."

"It's... not my name."

"But people call you that."

"People call me that because I _want_ them to call me that, all right?!"

"Cloud!"

"..."

"...Sorry, random spiky-haired kid. Go on, Leon Squall. Go on."

-  
"Cloud."

The word rolls around his tongue like mild acid, and tasting faintly green. He is not sure what to think.

"Rinoa."

She tastes the word languidly, eyes rolling from Leon's side to the empty space on the middle of the bench. It tastes like coal, actually, cold at first but then giving off this lengthy glow that keeps you warm at night.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

-  
"I miss this." Tifa turns to Leon confusedly, with a mild expression on her face. "I miss _talking_ to people."

"I bet you do." She looks down, swings her legs intrinsically, and suddenly she looks just like Rinoa with her hair hanging flat down her back.

"Tifa, will you marry me!"

"Oh, but it's so sudden!" The light goes out of her face and Leon swears everything he thought was Rinoa-like vanish. Because Tifa looks into his eyes like a fighter does. Used to one-on-one action. She can do this, she totally can.

"...Ah, forget it." Leon kicks at the ground. "I was just trying to make conversation."

"Hmm. Something tells me you were..."

"..."

"...Here. Hug!" She throws her arms around him and Leon squirms. Tifa has a very deathly grip. Not to mention her chest is--

"Eyurrrrrgh!"

"Oh. Sorry." Tifa withdraws, to his relief. "Anyway, I can't marry you. But did that make you feel better?"

"...Actually, it did."

"Good." She smiles maternally. "Hugs are supposed to make you feel that way."

"I _know._"

"...Mr. Angsty Angst."

"Ha."


End file.
